Sonovabitch Fish Joke (tm)
One morning, a priest and one of his congregation, Bob, were out fishing on the lake. They had been fishing all morning and part of the afternoon, and hadn't caught so much as a minnow. They're prepared to fish all day, having a cooler full of food, beer for Bob, and soda for the priest.
As the sun beats down they sit and sweat, Bob drinks his beer, and just as the priest is about to observe that maybe the Lord has decided today just isn't the day to fish, he gets yanked off his ecclisiastic bum by a powerful tug on his line. He loses yards and yards before getting his reel under control, then starts trying to bring it in.
"You got it, preacher!" Bob yells, "bring him in closer, and I'll net him into the boat!" Bob, having drunk a bit too much, forgets who he's with in the excitement of the first bite all morning. He yells things like, "Come on, play that sonovabitch!", and, "Don't let that sonovabitch get away!" and, "bring that sonovabitch in closer!" The priest, meanwhile, is struggling, and manages to get the fish close enough to the boat for Bob to scoop him with the net. "All right -- we got the sonovabitch!" Bob swears, smiling at the fish flopping in the bottom of the boat and cracking open another brew.
The priest sits down, nodding in agreement with Bob, wiping the sweat off his forehead. After a minute of cooling down, he says, "Bob, I know it's been a slow morning, and I know you love to fish, but don't you think your language might have been a bit. . .harsh? Just now?"
Bob, still euphoric about the beautiful fish, thinks back through a haze at what he might have said that would offend the priest. As realization dawns on him, he formulates what he thinks is a brilliant reply, "What? Oh, that. Oh, father, that don't mean nothin'. That's the type of fish it is, see? It's called a 'sonovabitch' fish, on account of it's so hard to catch. You got your wall-eye, trout, bass, and so on. This here is a sonovabitch fish, see?"
The priest isn't the great outdoors type, and knows very little about fishing, whereas he knows Bob has been fishing all his life. "I see," he reconsiders, "Hmm, the 'sonovabitch fish'. I guess if it's the fish's name, it must be all right." Soon they decide that the one beautiful fish the priest caught is all they're likely to get that day, and head in to shore, going to their seperate ways.
Sister Teresa greets the priest at the door, and seeing the fish she grows wide-eyed. "Father! What a wonderful fish! Where did you buy it?!" The priest, beaming with pride, says, "I didn't buy it. I caught the sonovabitch myself, down at the lake." The nun is in shock. "I can't believe my ears!" but the father calms her down, explaining, "it's all right, sister. That's the name of the fish. You know, like trout, or carp, or well, this sonovabitch fish." The sister is very relieved, and apologizes, "I should have known you wouldn't say anything inappropriate. I'm sorry. Let me take the fish in back and clean it for you."
So Sister Teresa is cleaning the fish in the kitchen, when Mother Superior comes in and, looking over Teresa's shoulder, says admiringly, "now that is a hearty, good-looking fish. Where did you get it?" Sister Teresa begins to explain, "Father caught the sonofabitch down at the lake this morning. . ."
"WHAT?!" Mother Superior explodes, "You're going to go straight to. .."
"No, no! It's okay, Mother Superior! Father explained it to me. It's actually the proper name of the fish. There are goldfish, and guppies, and angelfish, and . . .well, this is a sonovabitch fish."
Mother Superior doesn't look too pleased at this, but she concedes, "I guess if he told you that, it must be okay. At any rate, I'll cook it when you're done cleaning it. The Bishop is coming to dinner tonight, and I hear he loves a well-prepared fish."
So, sure enough, the Bishop arrives for supper that night. The table is laid out with the best linens, the best silver, and the main course is brought out on a platter and placed before the Bishop. The Bishop nods, praising the wonderfully cooked and garnished fish before him. After his first bite, he declares, "this is by far the finest fish I have ever eaten. Who is responsible for this heavenly manna?"
The priest smiles and says, "Ahem. I caught the sonovabitch."
The nun blushes, saying, "Well, I cleaned the sonovabitch."
Mother Superior, not wanting to be left out, says, "and I cooked the sonovabitch!"
The Bishop stops eating and puts his fork down on the table. He raises his eyebrows and gives them each a long look in turn, all of whom are proudly smiling back at him. The Bishop settles himself back in his chair, reaches into his vestments and pulls out a long cigar. He then grabs a silver candlestick from the table. "You know," he says, lighting the cigar and leaning back into his chair, "you fuckers are all right!"